Update on Life

It seems my last post was on July 20th and of course that was because the carnival festivities on our island had me tied down, being on the planning committee and all, that there was no time to post anything or hell I was just too damn tired to. The festivities were fun my blue costume worked well for me as I was skeptical blue was not my color. The group I was in won first place and everyone had fun. I of course had too much fun on the Saturday and got so shit faced my mom and two friends had to take me home but I digress fun was had by all. Then bright and early on Monday morning after the events I went to Miami to meet with the doctor who will be doing my corneal transplant on Aug 17th. That went well but it was scary at the same time because of the realization that it's almost here. I decided I needed to get my mind of it and the busy life of Saba and go to a movie so I saw Harry Potter which was great. I got back to Saba on the Wed and have been busy with work and will be until Aug 12 when I leave for the surgery. I have to do pre ops on the 14th. Speaking of work it just plain sucks like and I am trapped in it. I have a co worker leaving, two teachers leaving, (one coming in) and I am starting to feel the strain no matter how you look at it. I don't know how persons who work in social service can do their job I am tired of it and this is not what I signed on for in life. Right now I feel there are no real avenues for me to pursue and therefore Saba is home for now. I am trying not to be too depressed and really don't talk much to people about anything anymore because its the same song about what's put out there will come to you, hangin there blah blah bullshit. I am tired of my students and just feel I have wasted two years of my life even though there are small successes I have always given given given of myself and I am tired of it. I am 27 years old single, a workaohlic and living on a 5 square mile rock, yes I know by choice, but also because maybe I am just a frighetened kitten. Yeah I could have done more with my life and I have regrets but just have to live with that. Its Saturday and I should be at the gym but I dont even care about that anymore. My cistern is low and I have to find water to fill it since we have had a dry season money money money thats all I do and spend on never really myself just shit that happens to me. I hope everyone is doing a lot better than I am because internally I am slowly dying.